Lesson 4
More Effective Communication

Saying No
Getting What You Want

Rationale:

Few models for effective communication in sexual situations exist for young people, and few opportunites to practice such communication exist. Avoiding discussion of sexual matters with a partner is one of the most widespread sexual taboos. In the Age of AIDS, observance of this taboo can be fatal.

The goal of role playing is to provide models for effective communication in sexual situations and to produce changes in the participants’ perception and behavior. Sometimes just watching another member of the group play a role may produce changes in perceptions and attitudes. For some people and some issues it may be necessary to personally play the role and to experience what it feels like to be in a situation like the one portrayed in the role play. Role playing may also help make people more tolerant of a position they publicly uphold in role playing, but with which they initially disagree. The conclusion derived from the research on role playing is that active participation is more effective in changing attitudes and behavior than is passive exposure to persuasive arguments by themselves.

Tell students that being able to know in advance what you want and then to clearly express what you want helps you to get what you want. This is a very important part of effective communication. The following series of role plays will give students practice in clearly expressing their wishes and protecting their health in HIV risk-related situations.

AIDS Education Objectives:

1. Students will be involved in handling and discussing condoms in order to develop proficiency in and demystify their proper use.

2. They will examine a faulty model of communication in order to understand the most significant communicative elements that keep us from safer behavior.

3. They will learn to say "No."

4. They will learn to anticipate and effectively respond to high risk situations.

ESL Objectives:

1. Class members will deliver a short demonstration speech.

2. They will read and critically evaluate written material.

3. They will rewrite this material.

4. They will practice affirmative and negative forms of past tense verbs.

Procedure:

Begin class by asking if two people would like to volunteer to read, A Failure In Communication. If possible, assign the role of "Friend" to a female, and the role of the character "You" to a male. Tell students that the talented, young male actors in Shakespeare’s theater played women. Also explain that assuming sexual roles that are different from those people play in real life will help us better understand how other people think and feel. Switching sexual roles or having partners of the same sex during role play can also neutralize any inclination some students might have to use the exercise to embarrass or flirt with other students. Tell the students that these role plays are exercises designed to help all students preserve their health and the health of their families and communities while practicing their English. Role plays must not be used to embarrass classmates. All classmates must always respect each other. If students are eager to volunteer to act this role play, it can be done again by a second pair, using a male for "Friend" and a female for "You."

Following this performance, ask students to answer the question (referring to their homework), "What went wrong?"

What can the character "You" do to get what s/he wants? Make sure the class understands that the failure of "You" in the role play was a failure to clearly and firmly say No.

Ask,

Is this the way many young people decide whether or not to have sex?

Why didn’t the character "You" stick to the decision not to have sex?

What makes it difficult to say no?

(15 minutes)

Explain that the ability to say No clearly and firmly is a very important skill that gives us a lot of control over our lives. This lesson will give us practice in saying No without losing a friendship but saying it so that our partner or friend knows we mean No. Put The 4 Ways to Say No on the board (review use and form of imperative) Ask students to copy these in their notebooks now and memorize them for homework tonight.

The 4 Ways to Say No (Click here for copy-ready handout.)

1) Say No. (No thank you. No, I don’t want to.) There is no substitute for saying No.

2) Repeat No as often as is necessary.

3) Use Body Language that says No

a) Serious facial expression that shows you mean No.

b) Hands up, hands out gesture that says Stop.

c) If everything else fails, use your strength to push away and say Stop.

4) Suggest alternatives that can build the relationship

(Let’s go to a movie, Let’s go for a walk, Let’s make dinner together.)

Ask for a volunteer to demonstrate Body Language. Ask what "You" didn’t do or did wrong in A Failure In Communication. (Review past affirmative and past negative for regular and irregular verbs.) Put the answers on the board. They should include the character "You":

didn’t say no;

didn’t repeat the first objection;

asked questions like "Do you love me?" rather than stating her or his view; expressed doubt;

didn’t suggest other alternatives;

didn’t use body language;

and gave up.

Ask if there are any questions.

(10 minutes)

Now ask students to form groups of three and rewrite A Failure In Communication, to make it A Successful Communication. Ask them to use some of what they learned in Rules for Saying No. Allow no more than 10 minutes for the rewrite.

Ask students to perform their rewritten role plays three times, so that everyone gets to rotate through each role, including the observer/evaluator. Then ask the students to perform again, this time with the character "You" not using the script. Explain that for this learning activity to be most effective students must be able to make the correct responses without looking at the script. In real life situations which threaten their health they will have no script to rely on -- they have to rely on themselves. Remind students that this is an exercise in which classmates work together to help each other preserve their health and practice their English, and that they must maintain, as always, proper respect for their classmates.

(15 minutes)

Invite volunteers to perform their rewritten version of A Successful Communication. Ask the class what the differences between the unsuccessful and successful versions are. Point out that these behaviors seen in the successful version are the same behaviors that protect them from HIV infection in real life.

Conclude by reminding students that today they practiced making a clear No statement in a way that tells a person they mean no without losing a friendship.

Homework:

1) Ask students to memorize The 4 Ways to Say No.

2) Hand out The "Lines"/Your Responses Worksheet. Explain the idiomatic meaning of a "line," as insincere talk meant to manipulate or deceive. Review comparatives and superlatives.

3) Hand out Plan Ahead Role Play Worksheet. Tell the class that most young people do not know how to talk to another person about sexual matters or AIDS prevention. There are few, if any, models for them to follow. This activity will help create some verbal models that can be used to discuss HIV risk-reduction with a romantic partner, and to be clear and direct, without hurting a partner’s feelings. The exercise also provides practice in insisting on abstinence or condom use in spite of a partner’s statements that he or she is not at risk. Ask students to read the role play worksheet and write in one or two examples of what a person might say in each of the situations included on the worksheet.

Explain to the class that both of these activities include exercises about protection that people will need when they decide to have sex; and while that might not be for a long time, it is important information that we will need eventually.

Tell the class to be sure to do the "Lines" worksheet before Plan Ahead.

The "Lines"/ Your Responses (Click here for copy-ready handout.)

Imagine that you and a romantic friend are together and the Friend says some of the things written below to try to persuade you, even though you don’t want to, to have sexual intercourse or to have unprotected intercourse. Put a check next to the responses that you think are good; put two checks next to the responses you think are even better; and put a star next to the one response you think is the best.

Plan Ahead Role Play Worksheet (Click here for copy-ready handout.)

SITUATION: John and Chris started dating recently and have begun to feel more close physically, but have not had sexual intercourse . Neither is sure about the lifestyle of the other before they began dating. Chris believes that they will become more sexually involved and is worried about being exposed to HIV. Chris wants to talk about AIDS virus prevention, but does not know how. Chris needs practice. So do we. Create one or two different examples of what Chris might say to John:

1. What could Chris say to get the conversation started? That is, how could Chris begin to express her/his concerns about possible exposure to HIV? What might John say?

CHRIS:

JOHN:

CHRIS:

JOHN:

2. One option that Chris has is not to have sexual intercourse with John. What can Chris say to John if Chris does not want intercourse even though John does? What might John say?

CHRIS:

JOHN:

CHRIS:

JOHN:

3. Another option for Chris is to insist that John wear a condom if they have intercourse. What can Chris say? What might John say?

CHRIS:

JOHN:

CHRIS:

JOHN:

4. What can Chris say in asking John if he has been exposed to HIV through high-risk sexual or drug-using behavior? What might John say?

CHRIS:

JOHN:

CHRIS:

JOHN:

5. What can Chris say if John insists that there is no chance that he has been exposed to HIV and that there is no need to worry? What might John say?

CHRIS:

JOHN:

CHRIS:

JOHN:

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