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CUNY/ACT WRITING EXAMINATION

Sample Scored Act Essays: Upper-Range Papers

 

Essay 5
Dear Park Board:
I am a resident of the highly urbanized district in Midtown Manhattan. Recently, I have been advised of the certain funds donated to our city, aiming to benefit it as whole. There are two options of the funds application being debated by the Board, one being a plan to establish more recreational areas and increase the amount of flower gardens in the existing parks. Another proposal suggests a wider improvement of the city appearance by planting flower beds and trees along the streets and intersections. The latter appears to be the best way to benefit the city and its dwellers, and I would like to argue in its support.

Investing the money in improving the overall look of the city is undoubtfully a far-seeing and effective undertaking. The appearance of a great number of green plants on the streets will be noticeable, and therefore, greatly appreciated by the city's people, unlike improving the parks, which in the current hectic environment are not the most popular places. We spend a great part of our time rushing in the streets, walking through the busy traffic and standing in crowded lines. Having small oasises of green in the streets will decorate them and make them look more pleasant to the eye.

It is a common and indisputable notion, that the city air is bad due to its contamination. Small trees and bunches of flowers in the streets assist in purifying the air. The effect is not immense, but it helps to improve the situation. The more plants there are in the city, the healthier its residents are. Statistics shows incredible health rates in such seemingly dangerously urbanized cities as Paris, Prague, Luxembourg, where a great number of trees is spread around the living areas.

Having significant particles of nature present in the heart of the city also has a great meaning for us busy residents. Nowadays, we are always in such a rush, so vital to survive in the world, that we do not really possess the time to go to the park for recreation. For the above reasons, the plants on the street will have more positive effect on common members of the city community.

Improving the city's look mainly serves a decorative purpose. But it is highly cost efficient as well. People tend to choose the areas of residence that has not only all conveniences, but also nice appearance and joyful view that the flowers provide. By planting flower beds in certain districts, we might benefit investing the real estate business bringing profit to the city itself. People looking for an apartment even in the most urbanized area like mine, seek for something that would make it look better and tidier.

For all of the above reasons, I would eagerly like to support the plan to plan trees and flower beds along the streets. Please thoroughly review all the considerations.

Sincerely,


 

Comments on Essay 5
This writer uses some repetition of the prompt in the introduction to provide context for her position. The paper develops three different points with good detail, so the reader can clearly understand how the writer thinks improving the appearance of the city will benefit its busy residents. The writer also addresses the other option at different points in the paper. Even though her discussions of the other option could be improved, the reader can gain some understanding of why the writer thinks that improving the appearance of the city's streets is more beneficial than improving the city's parks. The organization of the paper is clear, although there is a mistake in the fourth paragraph, where the writer's intention is not clear. A reader may wonder whether this paragraph is an extension of the earlier argument that the improved appearance of the city's streets will benefit busy residents, an attempt to address why the other option is less important, or an attempt to present another supporting point. While there are some mistakes that suggest the process of second language acquisition (errors in subject-verb agreement, usage, syntax, and articles), there is also good control of some complex sentences, and there is good sentence variety, showing overall command of the language.


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